Jokes

... If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.

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New Royalist T-shirt slogan: "Save the Wales"

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Bad news for Princess Diana's bulimia... She's losing weight again!

What does Diana want for Christmas in Heaven? Her two front teeth!

Have you heard about the Princess Diana computer virus? Your computer speeds up, your driver runs into a post processor, and your hard drive crashes.

What's the difference between Elton John and Princess Diana? One is composing, the other is decomposing

How do you make a princess pregnant? Cum on the radiator and let the Mercedes do the rest.

Why will they cremate Princess Di?

She won't fit into the coffin 'cause they can't get her to keep her legs closed!

Where was Di last seen? On the radio

Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy? Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the back of the car with her.

What did Diana say to Dodi when he asked to marry her? She wanted something more concrete in her life.

What's the difference between Lady Di and the Eastern Germans? The Eastern Germans survived the wall.

Did you hear that Di has a new chauffeur? Ayrton Senna.

What does world hunger and a Mercedes have in common? Diana can't stop either.

Hear about the new Mercedes? It comes with two airbags and three bodybags.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What's the definition of a vicious circle ? A cunt with teeth.

What is the only bad thing about the '69' position ? The view.

Why did god give the niggers rhythm ? Compensation because he fucked up their hair.

Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A ? Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

How do you brainwash an Irishman ? Give him an enema.

Why do women have two holes so close together ? So you can carry them home like a six-pack.

What are the three greates lies ? 1) Black is beautiful 2) The check is in the mail 3) Of course I won't come in your mouth.

Why do Iraquians smell so bad ? So blind people can hate them as well.

What do you get if you cross a Jew with a gypsy ? A chain of empty stores.

Why don't niggers have chequebooks ? Because it's hard to sign your name with a spraypaint.

How did god make puertoricans ? He sandblasted niggers.

Why is Italy shaped like a boot ? Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.

What's the difference between a blond and a girl ? You can only get three fingers in a bowlingball.

What happens when a Jew walks in to a wall with a full erection ? He breaks his nose.

How do you kill a blond ? Slap the toilettes over his head while he's taking a drink of water.

How can you tell if a woman is wearing tights ? If she farts, her ankles swell.

What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland ? A tourist.

What do you call an niggers with half a brain ? Gifted.

Why did god create the orgasm ? So that niggers should know when to stop fucking.

Why does Barbara Bush always get on top ? Because George can only fuck up.

What do you get if you cross a nigger with a gorilla ? A dumb gorilla.

What do you get if you cross a nigger with a monkey ? Nothing, monkeys are too intelligent to fuck niggers.

What's yellow ugly and sleeps alone ? Yoko Ono.

What did Adam say to Eve ? You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.

Why do Jews have such big noses ? Air is free ...

How do you say "fuck off" in Jewish ? "Trust me!"

Why don't blondes do the splits ? They would stick to the floor !

Why do Iraquians carry shit in their wallets ? For identification.

What's the difference between a nigger and a tyre ? Tyres don't sing when you put chains on them ...

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !